You all may have been wondering where I've been. Or you may not have been wondering at all. But in case you were wondering, I've been nowhere. I have no grand experience or exceptional excuse for my absence on the internet. I've been thinking of clever little excuses all day; things I could tell whoever is reading in order to make my lack of blog posts seemingly more understanding.
But I got nothing. Though that may not be an exceptional, or even a clever excuse, I'm not going to lie to you, internet, because you only lie to me sometimes. I've been in a terrible funk the last few weeks, only it's one of those funks that makes you feel like you've been in it your whole life, just at varying degrees. I'm sure that's not true... Actually, I'm not sure, but that's what people keep telling me.
The truth is internet, I couldn't stand the idea of you for a while. I'm still not entirely sure if this is a good idea. I feel like my funk was brought on by some artificial desire to be something or someone, and it was like a tornado or whirlwind or some other natural disaster that causes a serious funk, and I just got swept up in it and kind of forgot where I was. And though, I'm still not entirely sure, I can tell you without doubt that trying hard is exhausting after a while, and sometimes you need to give yourself time to be in a funk. You need to stay in bed some days. You need to coyly ask your lover or best friend to stay in there with you, for good company and shared silence. You need to cry for no reason sometimes. You need to not cry at all and wonder why you're not crying. You need to feel all this. I'm not entirely sure why, but I hopefully have a lot of time left on this earth to keep attempting to figure it out. Until then, I can tell you that a new haircut helps, dressing up pretty helps, and sometimes not getting out of pajamas helps, too. Red lipstick can feel like war paint and no makeup can feel just the same, and good songs help just as much as bad songs, depending on your mood. So if you don't feel like taking blog pictures today - Just don't. And don't beat yourself up about it, and don't go on Instagram and look at all the other bloggers going on without a visible care in the world and then judge yourself for not feeling like a million bucks. Just do what feels right.
I'm sorry if I'm not making much sense, but I just sort of promised myself I would start making more sense to myself, and if that means this blog turns out more like a diary with a few pretty pictures thrown in here and there, that's okay with me. I hope it's okay with you too. And I hope you're having a beautiful existence today, and may whatever degree of funk you're in be short lived.
