Beauty is Unrefined

Women have lots of nasty habits. One of which, in my opinion, is the way we take parts of our physical appearance and equate them with sexiness. If it was done on an individual level, it would be a different story - But when all women are held up to a standard of what is beautiful, it gets really frustrating. If sexy means skinny, and you're not skinny, are you not sexy? For me, a struggle of mine has been the opposite - If sexy means curvy, and I'm not, am I not sexy? Big boobs, curvy butts, and one brought to my attention rather recently is - Long hair.

I've never had long hair, but I had never had hair shorter than chin length, either. I've learned a lot about myself, as corny as it may sound, in the last few months in regards to my physical beauty and my pixie cut. Because I'm too sick to take outfit photos (not to mention the downpour we're having in Portland right now..) I thought I'd take a little time out to tell you guys why short hair, in my personal opinion, is sexy.

1. Vulnerability is beautiful.
It's really hard to talk about myself in a positive light and not feel like a total narcissist. One of the only things I do love about myself is my lack of narcissism. That being said, I hear a lot about how a pixie cut takes confidence. I don't know about all that; it seems to me that a lot of times, girls with pixie cuts are emotionally pretty vulnerable. (Take Winona Ryder, for example.) However, to me, and probably to Winona, and to lots of other women - That vulnerability is beautiful. I think we live in a culture where it's really easy to hide behind hair, makeup, or clothing. I'm not into all that, personally. I'm a vulnerable human being. Don't get me wrong; I'm no delicate flower. All I'm saying is that I think that the sexiness of vulnerability is 10x more intense than the sexiness of someone more severe. Again, this is only my opinion.

2. I can be "fierce".
Tyra Banks would be so proud to hear me say that. Though I do think vulnerability is something beautiful, and a humble opinion on yourself is the best one to have, I no longer mistake confidence for weakness. I used to roll my eyes anytime a girl talked about her own beauty, and to some extent in certain situations, I still do. What I've learned is that, being humble doesn't mean being insecure or self conscious, and that talking highly of yourself doesn't make you a narcissist. I don't think about myself physically speaking very often; I feel like what I got is what I get, and I'm okay with that. I don't celebrate it or discriminate against it. However, hair has always been the one thing I could change whenever I wanted, and having a very sweet cousin who is also an amazing hair stylist (shout out to Alex!) has given me the opportunity to experiment. The greatest of our experiments, by far, has been my pixie cut. With getting my hair cut into a pixie and my modeling career (do I even call it that?) happening parallel to each other, I've learned that I actually have a really unique face! Sure it took a dramatic hair cut, a few fashion photographers, and a modeling scout - but I'm in the processing of accepting the fact that I'm not as ordinary as I may have thought. In fact, I might even be fierce at times. :)

 3. "A woman who has cut her hair is about to change her life." - Coco Chanel
Oh, how true this is, Coco. As dorky as it may sound, I think there's some weight to that quote; and I think most women would agree with me. There's something empowering about a different look, or even a fresh trim of your old look. Before my pixie cut, I had what I call the "fashion lovers haircut" - Shoulder length hair or longer, with blunt bangs. (To be totally clear, I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with that look, because I love it, and sometimes even miss it. Just clarifying!) It's always been a stupid tick of mine not to want to look like anyone else. I know that's impossible and that there are more dramatic looks to be done than just a simple pixie (cue Miley Cyrus photo! No? Okay.) but for me, it's about finding the balance between crazy/weird/punk/different and adorable/vulnerable/classy/sweet. For me, the pixie has been the perfect thing, and let me tell you, it changed my life. Did I start doing everything differently, and did I grab the world by the balls in every situation all of a sudden? No. But I started doing it more often, and I started becoming more comfortable talking about myself, and I started becoming more comfortable talking to others, and I started becoming more comfortable going after things that I wanted. Some days I wake up and I'm just as depressed and broken down feeling as I've ever been - But other days I wake up and am Queen of the world, with nothing but my pixie cut as my crown.

4. Beauty is unrefined.
For my final point, I would like to touch on this idea that beauty is refined. You hear it a lot, but we never really think about what it means. By definition, refined means "with impurities or unwanted elements having been removed by processing." Hearing it in those words, how boring is that?! "Impurities", "removed", "processing" - What? Maybe it's the 1960s/1970s hippie chick inside of me, but I hate this idea. Beauty is wild, untamed, and free. Now that doesn't mean you should stop shaving your legs and armpits, it means you should start doing whatever it is that makes you feel beautiful - Despite what conventions might have you believe. This idea of refinement leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth, because what does "beauty is refined" even really mean? Perfection? Well, what does perfection mean? If perfection means Beyonce, then I would love to sign up, but I can't be Beyonce. Most of us can't. I'm a naturally bony girl, with legs too long for my body, and a heart too big for my chest. I have a fast heart beat, a fast thought process that makes me dizzy, and a silver tongue, too. I'm a horrible mess. I am unrefined, and I am so damn glad. I am uninterested in fitting into the box that defines beauty. I have come to the conclusion, since having my pixie cut and starting my life as a real life "adult", that there is no such thing as true beauty when it is refined in a broad sense. I have met so many beautiful women who are full figured, I've met so many beautiful petite women, I have met so many beautiful women with wild curly hair, straight hair down to their butts, cropped bobbed, wavy "fashion lovers haircuts". I've seen gorgeous women with skin so deep brown it's almost black, and I've seen gorgeous women with skin so pale you can see the veins on their arms. But the thing is, they are all beautiful - So how can beauty be refined? Whether you look just like me, or the total opposite of me, you're beautiful because you're you. I know it's a cliche, but it's cliche for a reason - It's true! So own what you've got, and never hide.